Aftershocks
by Kamala
Summary: Updated: Some changes hopefully for the better. Set after the mission mentioned in my ficlet Insight.


**Aftershocks**

Author: Kamala

Character: I know who it is in my mind, but I'm keeping it to myself. It can be whomever you want it to be Alex, Monica, yourself…

Rating: PG.

Feedback: Always welcomed, the good the bad the ugly. The only way you can improve.

Note: I have made some changes to it. Story still the same just tighter.

Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies. I don't own the characters NBC and the production company do. All were returned safely upon completion of the ficlet.

****

Soon after the mission mentioned in Insight 

*** 

Finally, the mission is over and I'm free to be myself again…at least for a while. 

I just have debriefing to get through and then a few days down time. Time to forget about what happened on the mission, to forget about the feelings that have emerged for Frank.

A precious few days, but mine, until I have to become the next person they want me to be.

Debriefing was mercifully short with very few questions about how I was feeling at the moment. Now, if only the morning meetings could be that short…

One of the questions they always want to know coming off an undercover job is "How are you feeling?" 

That question is always the hardest. Sometimes you want to be blatantly honest and tell them you have no fucking clue how you're feeling since you haven't been you for the past few days, weeks, months. But if you tell them that, you'll be talking to the head doctors for awhile. So instead you tell them you're fine, that basically you're still you and are ready for the next job. It's easy for them; they haven't done undercover work. The other team members know the truth; they're in the same boat, tell the same lies.

No one thinks about the emotions. A job is what you do. This is my job.

And if you've gotten physically close to your target…I swear that is what they call it "getting physically close". Just call it what it is. If you've banged your target, you get a whole other set of questions along with the standard ones.

How do you feel about betraying him? 

Do you have emotional feelings for him? 

Do you care for him? 

How will you feel seeing him in court?

Do you love him? 

And for the next several hours you're pulling yourself out of the wringer they put you through. Having to answer every question under the sun about sexual encounters with the target.

This time, I didn't get those questions. I guess they don't care when the person you've gotten physically close to is your boss. No, instead I just get strange looks from Frank.

Like I am now…

Awkward does not even begin to describe our reactions to each other. We've been avoiding each other, since coming back.

The team gives us strange looks, but they also give us the space we need. Seems everyone is trying to figure out the new group dynamic. 

It's the first time one of us was put in this position… to this extent.

How do you look at each other, work with each other and pretend those nights never happened? Nights of pure pleasure with a person you have to face day in day out, and pretend it's business as usual.

I try saying to myself- "It wasn't really him making me scream in ecstasy; it was all pretend."

Pretend, my ass.

He might have been yelling someone else's name, while going over the edge but I'm the one who took him there.

I really believe it's easier to sleep with a stranger, and far less complicated. Every time I look at Frank, memories overwhelm me.

How his lips felt against my skin.

His unique musky, citrus scent.

How his hair stands on end in the morning.

His sensuality in the mornings.

The fact he likes to wrap himself around me while we sleep.

The strength of those arms wrapped around me.

The tenderness he showed when I got sick.

Those mornings of breakfasts in bed.

How he makes a mean banana nut pancake.

And worse yet, the memories of shared morning showers.

You know, they never went over this in training. What do you feel when you fall for your boss thanks to an undercover mission? What do you do?

Like it's never happened before. Yeah right.

I can feel his eyes on me, his questioning look as he finishes the meeting. A meeting where I have not been able to look him in the face and have avoided even looking up from my notepad.

I do what I have done for the past three weeks, pretend to be me- a me before the mission. Someone who had feelings for her boss but wasn't head over heels in love with him. 

And as long as this keeps daydreams at bay, it works. 

For now…

Time again to do my job.

"Good Morning, Frank," I say as I pass him.

"Good Morning."


End file.
